


Alone Now

by AmberDread



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drabble, Drabble Collection, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 03:30:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14096244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberDread/pseuds/AmberDread
Summary: A collection of drabbles, Kylo Ren/Ben Solo POV





	1. Chapter 1

 

Even though there were light years between them, Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of The First Order and Master of The Knights of Ren, _felt Rey die._

He felt it as if he himself were the one dying, felt her pain, which caused the walls she had built around her mind to keep him out, evaporate.

And then he felt her relief as she died and was free of the pain. _And_ _free of him._

The searing agony of how she had died was nothing compared to the pain he felt in his soul at her loss. She was gone. Ripped away from him before he had been able to find her, before he had had a chance to tame her, before he had been able to finally persuade her to join him.

He couldn’t breathe, the overpowering grief of her sudden absence stopped his lungs, slowed his heart. It felt as if someone were force choking him.

He knelt by his throne gasping, oblivious to the tears that streamed down his face. The yawning chasm that had opened up inside him, _consumed him._

He was deaf and blind, lost in the anguish that the final breaking of their bond caused him. Or at least, he tried to convince himself that that was what he was tortured by, rather than just simply the fact that he had lost the only woman he had ever and would ever love. The only star that shone in his sky, that pierced the maelstrom of darkness that forever churned inside him.

It took him a long time to come back to himself, to stand and sit back on his throne. As he looked out at the military personnel, aids, Troopers and Knights who had been too stupid or too loyal to flee when he collapsed, he only saw emptiness. What good was a throne if she were not there to sit by him? What good was power if he never got to share it with her? His many victories were ashes in his mouth.

Inside, in the husk left of his dark heart, cruel laughter echoed, and he tore the world apart around him, for he had nothing left to live for.

 

~ ~ ~

 _All that I've been standing for_  
Was an illusion after all ****

~In All Conscience by Epica... This song inspired this drabble along with your Star by Evanescence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by Autonomee


	2. A Thin Line

There is a thin line between love and hate, or so the saying goes.

For Kylo Ren, there is no such line.

Love and hate have melded, combined in a bewildering tumultuous maelstrom inside him.

He would destroy her, he would save her.

He wanted to kiss her, even as he made her bleed.

He would make her his slave, yet have her stand by his side.

He wished to lay his eyes upon her, the thought of never seeing her face again, ate him up inside.

The urge to drag her down into the darkness with him, was equal to his thirst to bathe in the light in her arms.

The conflict left him breathless.

She was a thorn in his side and a balm for his broken soul.

Her presence through their bond both a pleasure and a pain.

 He wondered if this turmoil would end if he killed her, or if he would be left to go through life with a constant,

gaping hole inside his mind and heart, forever alone.

 For even though she had rejected him, even though she had muted the bond, she was still _there_ , with him.

A tantalising whisper at the back of his head, a thread of golden light that illuminated some of his darkness,

no matter how hard he tried to unravel it and snuff it out.

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by Autonomee


End file.
